WNYC File - For those in troubled marriages Retrouvaille has helped.

For couples in troubled marriages, the problems in their relationship can seem like insurmountable obstacles. They may wonder if there are any options beyond the traditional decision to receive counseling.

In the Diocese of Buffalo, Retrouvaille, a Catholic-based program, has been very successful in giving couples the tools they need to fix their relationship.

“It’s a French word and it means to rediscover, so it’s an opportunity for husbands and wives to come together on the weekend and to rediscover the love, the care that they once had in their relationship,” said Nancy Scherr, director of Family Life Ministries for the diocese.

“Couples share with us that they are going to their lawyer on Monday and they cancel that because they now see there is hope,” said Carol Krajewski, who, along with her husband, has been active in the program since the late 1980s.

Although Retrouvaille was founded on Catholic principles, it is open to couples of all faiths and backgrounds. Krajewski said that the couples she has seen over the years have been at many different points in their marriage journey.

“We’ve had couples that have been married less than one year to couples that were married over 50 years,” she said.

The program was first presented in Buffalo in 1989, but originated in Quebec in the late 1970s. It has since spread across the country.  The core of the Retrouvaille program is a weekend at a local hotel or retreat facility, led by three teams of couples and a priest. The couples that assist in leading the program have each had their own marital problems.

“They share their own stories of struggle and reconciliation and healing,” Scherr said.

Although they are free to do so if they choose, participants are never expected or asked to share their specific problems with the rest of the group.  During the weekend, the lead couples give presentations on a variety of topics and participating couples are taught a form of communication called “dialoguing,” which helps them to see the other person’s point of view.

“They get in tune with their feelings and each other’s feelings,” Krajewski said.

It is hoped that Retrouvaille will inspire couples to fix their relationships and have better communication with each other.  While leaders of the weekend are not counselors and the program is not a form of therapy, they are encouraged throughout the weekend to seek out or continue counseling.

“Certainly, with a priest there on the weekend, the sacrament of reconciliation is also an opportunity for couples to individually seek that sacrament and discuss with a priest and put the past behind them and move forward,” Scherr said.

Couples are able to attend six follow-up presentations after the weekend experience. The post-weekend presentations cover a variety of topics, including listening and communication, love and commitment, and forgiveness and trust.

“The follow-ups are an enhancement of the topics presented on the weekend,” Krajewski said.

This year there will be two Retrouvaille presentations held in Buffalo. To take part in the program, it is required that both husband and wife register on their own.  This ensures that both spouses are serious about working on their relationship.

“One of the things we need to ask is, ‘Are you willing to commit to your marriage and commit to the Retrouvaille program?” Krajewski said.

Both Scherr and Krajewski said that the program has been, for the most part, helpful for the couples who have participated.

“There certainly have been some positive results,” Scherr said.  “Couples feel that they have been given tools that help them where they are at in their marriage journey together, and they’ve come out with a better understanding of one another.  They feel that they have some new tools, probably some maturity, to talk things out instead of fighting and arguing.”

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